uncle sam wants me
Check this out. I occasionally post ads on Craig’s List for my web development services. When I post these ads, I include a tracking file in the html, which gives me the ability to see how many people view my ad by analyzing my web server logs. I can also see who clicks through to my site, where they go, etc. It’s all very basic web server log analysis.
Last week, I posted on the Portland computer services forum. A few days later, while looking at my log files, I see a visitor from the host ‘n005.dhs.gov’. Hmm, I think to myself. Somebody at a government agency is surfing my site? How strange.
Then it occurs to me, dhs.gov… that’s the Department of Homeland Security. Holy Shit! What are they doing surfing my silly website? Surely they have more important things to do, like spying on Quakers for instance.
I kinda figured I might be on some kind of watch list, considering the fact that I’ve sent some pretty angry and highly critical emails to both Bush and Cheney. That, and I have this strange, vaguely Persian sounding name. And I’ve certainly never made a secret of the fact that I hate the Bush administration, and if it were up to me they’d all be dragged from the Whitehouse in chains, tried for treason, publicly flogged and imprisoned. But, that attitude has always seemed to me both imminently sensible and highly patriotic.
However, this does not in any way mean that I’d ever collude with a bunch of inbred, backwards-ass savages to blow up anything, or potentially harm any human being. I’m no pacifist, but it’s way too early for armed insurrection, in my opinion. Not to mention the fact that I can’t stand fundamentalists of any stripe, be they Muslim, Christian, Republican, or Mason. They’re ridiculous fools who would be laughable if they didn’t currently, and inexplicably, have so much power.
So, in an attempt set the record straight, and just on the off chance that there actually is some overpaid geek at the DHS who spends his time, and wastes our tax dollars, reading silly blogs like mine, let me lay it out for you in no uncertain terms.
To Whom it May Concern,
I, Erim Foster, do hereby attest that I am not a member or sympathizer of Al Qaeda, I do not endorse or condone terrorism, I am not plotting the violent overthrow of the government of the United States, and I am not brewing up a big batch of fertilizer boom-boom in my bathtub.
If my harsh words hurt Mr. Bush or Mr. Cheney’s feelings, well, that’s the price they pay for being idiots, trampling on our civil liberties, lying through their teeth, and generally being a couple of fascist scumbags. I am exercising my first amendment rights, and will continue to do so. In case you haven’t heard, dissent is patriotic, dummy!
Now, kindly pull your head out of your ass and do something worthwhile with your time and our tax dollars. Go find some actual Al Qaeda cells, secure our ports and chemical plants, wrap up those loose nukes, or wash Michael Chertoff’s Lexus.
Warm Regards,
Erim Foster
I hope I’ve cleared that up.